IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part-time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter: •Explain why you want to reduce your working hours, •Say which hours you would like to work, •Describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear …………….. , You get 20 minutes to complete this task.

Dear ......., I hope you are doing well. The purpose of my letter is to reduce my workload. I would like to express my concern regarding reducing my hours to part-time.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 month I found a course
that is
Linking Words
 related to my studies. I want to pursue that course. With the help of that, I can easily focus on my career. In the beginning, it would be easy for me to manage both study and work. But unfortunately, with the assignments deadline and presentations , it's very hard for me to focus on my studies anymore. Moving forward,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 would be greatly appreciated if you could reduce my 40 hours to 20 hours a week. As I have classes on Thursday to Saturday, you can put me on the schedule for the rest of the days.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will not only help me to concentrate on my studies , but
also
Linking Words
 help me manage to pay my tuition fee as well. Thank you for your understanding. If you need any more information, please contact me. I look forward to hearing back from you. Sincerely, Muskan

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: say more clearly how the course will help your company. Give one or two direct examples.
task response
Task response: your first line is not fully clear. Say directly that you want fewer work hours to study part-time.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: some ideas are repeated. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: use simple link words like First, Also, and Finally to make the letter flow better.
task response
Task response: you answered all three points in the question.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: the letter has a clear opening, body, and closing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pursue further education
  • Enhance my qualifications
  • Current commitments
  • Propose a flexible schedule
  • Core working requirements
  • Availability
  • Direct benefits
  • Acquiring new skills
  • Efficiency improvements
  • Innovative solutions
  • Strategic insights
What to do next:
Look at other essays: