waelthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters . do you agree or disagree ?

It is believed that rich countries should give assistance to the poorer ones during natural disasters. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because of the lack of resources and to save people's lives in tough situations .
To begin
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with , most of the poverty-stricken nations suffer from a lack of water sources
due to
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the position of their land .
In addition
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, some of them struggle to get their food needs met because of the low income they earn from their work.
As a result
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, wealthy governments should help them and provide them with food and supplements to reinforce their well-being.
Furthermore
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, they should find a solution to the water demand and provide monthly relief to prevent any disease may appearing
due to
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the low water problem .
Secondly
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, the emergency health care issue
also
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needs to be solved
,
Punctuation problem
;
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poor people may need urgent treatments , especially in catastrophic situations . A recent study found that 65% of poor states suffer from chronic disease and long-term health problems because they are unable to treat their illnesses .
As a result
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, the richer countries should build hospitals and healthcare centres to reduce these proportions and improve human well-being.
For instance
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, the king of KSA in the
last
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decade gave approximately 10 thousand cartons of food supplements to
GHAZA
Correct your spelling
Gaza
during the war and built about 15 hospitals to recover the harm the city experienced.
To conclude
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, wealthy nations must send humanitarian relief and facilitate the urgent needs of poorer citizens . So we collaborate with each other to save humanity .

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your agreement, but it could be stronger by adding a brief overview of your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to indicate what it will discuss. This helps the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
Some sentences could be more detailed. For example, instead of saying 'poor people may need urgent treatments', you could specify what types of treatments are most needed.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more fluently with linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'in addition'. This improves the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You clearly express your agreement with the statement and provide good reasons for it.
task achievement
You use a relevant example of aid provided by the king of KSA, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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