Some people think human behaviours can be limited by laws, others think laws have little effect. What is your opinion?

It is asserted by
few
Correct article usage
a few
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individuals that the behaviour of humans can be restricted by legal acts,
while
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others deem that
laws
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are less influential. I believe that rules are not
much
Rephrase
very
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effective as their effects are not
long lasting
Use the right word
long-lasting
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.
Moreover
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, the acquired
habits
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of an individual cannot be altered. The primary reason why
laws
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have very little
effects
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effect
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on people’s psychology is that stringent
laws
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made by governing bodies are not
effective
Rephrase
as effective
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as the counselling sessions conducted by
the
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apply
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medical professionals. To be more precise,
public
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the public
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opt
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opts
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for behavioural changes until they are either under confinement or fines have been imposed
due to
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the pressure of the
legislatives
Correct your spelling
legislation
.
Consequently
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, the
laws
Use synonyms
have no potential to influence folks to change their attitude.
Thus
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, humans have revengeful behaviour towards others in normal life, which is generally full of negative considerations.
Linking Words
Further
Use the right word
Furthermore
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more rules and regulations are incompatible
to change
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with changing
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the
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apply
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habits
Use synonyms
Linking Words
likewise
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, likewise
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,
aggression
Replace the word
aggressive
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offensive
Punctuation problem
, offensive
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conduct, et cetera in an individual. To fortify
further
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, getting rid of bad behavioural manners is nearly impossible because these get
intacted
Correct your spelling
ingrained
with
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in
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one’s character.
For instance
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, the Mayor of Calgary, James Whitton, revealed in a podcast that being kept
in
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under
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supervision
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the supervision
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of higher authorities, the criminals are unable to improve their misconducting
habits
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.
Hence
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, aggressive
habits
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are acquired permanently
which
Correct word choice
and
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cannot be changed by any means. In conclusion, as per my perspective, the effects of
legislative
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the legislative
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act are temporary.
In addition
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to
this
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, the alterations in the
habits
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of human beings
is
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are
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not
practical
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a practical
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approach.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer opinion in your introduction. Make sure it reflects your stance effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (like 'however', 'firstly', 'finally') to connect your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that you explain fully.
content
Your essay does address both sides of the argument, which is good for showing a balanced view.
content
You have given a real example, which adds strength to your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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