Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however,think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that enhancing the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
is
one
Use synonyms
of the vital goals for
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
to become stronger.
While
Linking Words
it is a commonly held belief that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
several
governments
Use synonyms
believe that economic progress is their main crucial goal, there is
also
Linking Words
an argument that many
people
Use synonyms
think that different
sectors
Use synonyms
of progress are as important as economics for the
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Use synonyms
hand, when
governments
Use synonyms
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
their
Replace the word
economy
show examples
economics
Punctuation problem
economics,
show examples
this
Linking Words
will increase the living standard of the individuals.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
living in the
country
Use synonyms
will live a better life
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in healthcare,
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
, and a variety of goods and
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
, which will lead to making the
country
Use synonyms
better in different ways.
In addition
Linking Words
, it can increase
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
. As the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
businesses
Punctuation problem
, businesses
show examples
expands
Correct subject-verb agreement
expand
show examples
and become bigger
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
will lead to lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment rates and
rising
Verb problem
higher individual
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income of the individual.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
the USA is
one
Use synonyms
of the many countries that
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
growing the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several
people
Use synonyms
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
that
governments
Use synonyms
should stop focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
economic and start upgrading different
sectors
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
possible
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to say that these
people
Use synonyms
believe that there are
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
in the
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
led them to start
this
Linking Words
campaign.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
idea will make the
country
Use synonyms
stronger in every
Use synonyms
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
rather than just improving
one
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, enhancing the house service,
eduction
Use the right word
education
show examples
, or even healthcare. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that
governments
Use synonyms
should start seeing divergent
sectors
Use synonyms
and improving them rather than just
one
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is clear, but try to be more direct in stating your opinion. You could say, 'In my opinion, both economic and other types of progress are important.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to show what main point you are discussing. For example, start your second paragraph with 'Economic progress leads to better living standards.'
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling, such as 'enhancing the economy' instead of 'enhancing the economic,' and 'education' instead of 'educations.' This will help improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, restate your main points more clearly and sum up why both types of progress matter equally. Same for the introduction, providing more background information can help readers understand better.
task achievement
You clearly presented both sides of the argument, which is great for showing understanding.
task achievement
You included good examples, like the USA, which helps to support your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • socio-economic development
  • quality of life
  • stakeholder
  • sustainable development
  • public sector
  • non-governmental organization (NGO)
  • civic engagement
  • green technology
  • quality of education
  • universal healthcare
  • cultural integrity
  • global competitiveness
  • human capital
  • innovation ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: