IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
The pie charts
delineates
Correct subject-verb agreement
delineate
show examples
the evolution in total
school
Use synonyms
 spending in 1981,1991
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 2001。The data is from
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 British
school
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,the teachers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 have dominated the total
school
Use synonyms
 spending,experiencing a fluctuation
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
peroid
Correct your spelling
period
.
In addition
Linking Words
, other workers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 steadily decreased.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of insurance rises gradually.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
resources
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a trend of first rising and
then
Linking Words
 falling.Different from
resources
Use synonyms
,
furniture
Use synonyms
 and equipment
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 a trend of first declining and
then
Linking Words
 growing. To be more exact, from 1981 to 1991,
teachers
Check wording
teachers'
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a notable rise,increasing from 40
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 50
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.At the same time, both insurance and
resources
Use synonyms
 had a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 rise,
although
Linking Words
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 was below 5
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, other
worker's
Check wording
workers'
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
 dropped from 28
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 22
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
what
Fix capitalization
What
show examples
 is even more astonishing is the
decling
Correct your spelling
decline
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
furniture
Use synonyms
 and equipment,in 1981 it stayed
in15
Change preposition
at in15
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
，but in 1991,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 just accounted for 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. As can be seen from the total
school
Use synonyms
 spending in 2001，
Teachers'
Correct your spelling
salaries
salaries
Use synonyms
 dropped to 45
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.What is more, insurance increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
Furniture
Use synonyms
 and equipment
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 for more than 1991,it increased
18
Change preposition
by 18
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
，Other workers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 and
resources
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a different pattern with
furniture
Use synonyms
 and equipment，it slumped
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than five
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words school, salaries, percent, resources, furniture with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • educational expenditure
  • financial management
  • infrastructure investment
  • evolution of costs
  • annual spending
  • strategic funding
  • capital outlay
  • operational costs
  • resource allocation
  • fiscal trends
  • cost analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: