IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while the others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. write 250 words, 4 paragraphs

These days,
according to
Linking Words
 the development of technology and AI, the shape of crimes has completely changed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I believe,
while
Linking Words
 it has some
disadvantages
Punctuation problem
disadvantages,
show examples
 it is mostly beneficial for society. First of all,
Linking Words
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is clear that progress of technology is available for both cops and guiltiest,
thus
Linking Words
 it brings some advantages and disadvantages. To be precise,
thief’s
Check wording
thieves
show examples
 can abuse
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, some programs or even AI simply to create counterfeit ID cards and continue their way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are various options even for teenagers to
cheating
Replace the word
cheat
show examples
 and just
heck
Use the right word
hack
show examples
information’s
Check wording
information
show examples
 from personal accounts to abuse them,
for example
Linking Words
, hacking social media accounts or personal blogs through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 I just mentioned
damages
Correct article usage
the damages
show examples
 of technology and how it has
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 on population, I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 development is profitable.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the growth of industry and AI, investigators have better access
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 criminals` information.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with
this
Linking Words
accessibility
Add a comma
accessibility,
show examples
 they can easily pursue them just with traffic cameras or GPS. To be
honest
Add a comma
honest,
show examples
 I have seen documentaries that
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 how they can find
about
Change preposition
out about
show examples
 the information of victims or the killers by DNA, which has been widely used in labs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone has seen
this
Linking Words
 kind of
videos
Fix the agreement mistake
video
show examples
 or even series
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
scare
Correct subject-verb agreement
scares
show examples
 a little and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
 committing a crime. In conclusion, I`m sure that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of facilities has brought a significant change
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 pursuing
guiltiest
Replace the word
guilt
show examples
, and
while
Linking Words
 it has some harms and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some difficulty to follow
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 it is strongly beneficial.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain both views with balanced development. You need to provide more details on how technology can both reduce and increase crime.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better. For example, use words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' to improve flow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your claims, like actual technology used in crime prevention.
task achievement
You have presented your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion. Your belief is evident which is good for a clear position.
task achievement
You mentioned some interesting examples related to crime and technology, showing you know the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: