IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In the recent past,
people
Use synonyms
 with health issues were seeking
alternative
Use synonyms
 medication
instead
Linking Words
 of modern
treatments
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the
alternative
Use synonyms
 medication can contribute
Use synonyms
treatments
Change preposition
to treatments
show examples
 and wellness options which cannot be replaced by modern
treatments
Use synonyms
. It is fairly common that some
people
Use synonyms
 think seeing doctors is the best way to cure
illness
Correct article usage
an illness
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 judge that
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines are unreliable. Most
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines usually consist of natural ingredients,
such
Linking Words
 as herbs, plants, or animals. These ingredients have never been
proved
Use the right word
proven
show examples
 by scientists
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to reduce illness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 are scams, and there are better to receive modern
treatments
Use synonyms
 proven by science.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that
alternative
Use synonyms
 medications are one of the treatment options, apart from modern medications. Most
people
Use synonyms
 with NCDs (Non-communicable diseases) have tried modern
treatments
Use synonyms
, and it did not effective. They turned their faces to alternatives which have a chance to cure the diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, diabetes is one of the NCDs, for which modern medication still cannot discover a permanent way to cure. Meanwhile, Thai herbal pharmaceutical,
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicine, provides a useful option of Thai herbal medicine, which has been proven to have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to defeat diabetes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, traditional
treatments
Use synonyms
 are a wellness option that
people
Use synonyms
 without diseases be able to receive the service.
For instance
Linking Words
, Thai massages can reduce muscle pain without any medicine. With all these considerations, I think the advantages of
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
has
Verb problem
offer
show examples
 more options for medicines, treatment, and wellness for patients.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to present clear arguments for both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using better linking words.
task achievement
Give more details and examples to support your points.
relevant specific examples
You mentioned specific examples, like diabetes and Thai herbal medicine.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: