IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The car is a disastrous 20th Century invention that has made the world's cities more dangerous and polluted, as well as being responsible for the deaths of millions of people in accidents. Do your agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Cars are the first
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
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due to
Linking Words
polluted
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is the main
transportation
Use synonyms
way
Check wording
apply
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for many countries. The following discussion will explore the opposing
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
show examples
 and will provide a reasoned personal opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, several countries
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 only these cars as a main transport method to move around between their
distances
Punctuation problem
distances,
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while
Linking Words
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 have many different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of public
transportation
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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, underground and
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, public
transportation
Use synonyms
 is very important for the country to reduce individual number for using their own car,
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
amount
Check wording
number
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 of accidents and deaths peoples
also
Linking Words
. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if public
transportation
Use synonyms
 can be provided by the
government
Punctuation problem
government,
show examples
 it can be
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
 for the subject issue and it can be a perfect income for the city economy,
whereas
Linking Words
the the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizen will
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to move by
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 type of public
transportation
Use synonyms
 more than their private cars.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan and the
UK
Punctuation problem
UK,
show examples
must
Use the right word
most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worker
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to their work spot by
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
 and none of
theme
Use the right word
them
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 a private car and the rest of them
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
use cycles
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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envairoment
Verb problem
is environmentally
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 friendly. In conclusion, after
analysis
Use the right word
analysing
show examples
 the topic, personally I strongly
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 and I believe that
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
show examples
 be
decreasing easier
Wrong verb form
decreased more easily
show examples
 by
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 a public vehicle.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state your position on the topic. Consider rewriting it to include a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that are easy to follow. This will help improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points and make your argument stronger. For instance, include statistics or studies about accidents caused by cars.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. There are some mistakes that can confuse readers, which can affect your score.
content
You have made a clear effort to present a counter-argument, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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