IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people in the modem world seem to have more power and influence them any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?

In today's changing and modern world,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
Use synonyms
 seems to have more control and
effect
Check wording
influence
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 than the old
generation
Use synonyms
. There are some reasons which lead to
this
Linking Words
 issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the gap between
old
Use the right word
older
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 individuals and the
Use synonyms
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
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 tends to increase.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the rapid development of technology and social media is the main reason for
this
Linking Words
concem
Correct your spelling
concern
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays have good skills
at
Change preposition
in
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 technology
as
Change preposition
due to
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exposening
Correct your spelling
exposure
 to it from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age. They enable
to easily
Replace the word
easy
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 access and spread
the
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of the
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 information widely.
This
Linking Words
lead
Replace the word
led
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 to updating news or events in
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
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 way than the old
people
Use synonyms
.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 is becoming the trend-setters in many aspects like fashion, music, art and consumption.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the alters in society trends require characteristics as innovative, creative,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 ability to adapt to
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 environment
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 these young individuals
own
Verb problem
possess
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. To give an example, many social organisations
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 are tend to pay attention to the
youths
Use synonyms
' opinions and give their contribution to the decisions in community campaigns.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the changes of the society cause both
pordive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative influences on the relationship between young and old
people
Use synonyms
. On the positive side, the
youths
Use synonyms
 can support old individuals in using modern devices and create the opportunity for each other to connect, as the
olds
Use the right word
old
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share
Check wording
people share
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 their experiences gained from their past events, and the young
people
Use synonyms
 deliver their new skills.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the imbalance of
in
Change preposition
apply
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life perspectives and
valuves
Correct your spelling
values
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 arguments.
For instance
Linking Words
, some of the
youths
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 may
have
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
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apply
show examples
respect
to
Change preposition
for
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 the older because they think old
people
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 are outdated.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the rise of technology improvement gives
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 more influences
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 affect the gap between generations.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have clear main ideas and connect well to each other.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar for better clarity.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines your main ideas.
task achievement
Your essay discusses important reasons for the influence of young people.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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