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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
The given bar graph illustrates how the number of
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school
education
Use synonyms
 changed from 1990 to 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that the number of
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys in all academic levels underwent an upward trend. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
girls
Use synonyms
 in developing
countries
Use synonyms
 tend to be less engaged in school with the increase of the academic level,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite trend can be seen in developed
countries
Use synonyms
. Looking first at the statistics of developing
countries
Use synonyms
, there are 83
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys of primary
education
Use synonyms
, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 increased to 87
girls
Use synonyms
 in 1998.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by secondary
education
Use synonyms
,
the
Rephrase
where the
show examples
 number of
girls
Use synonyms
 engaging in
this
Linking Words
 level grew remarkably from 72 in 1990 to 82 in 1998. Turning to the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 among the chart, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 of developing
countries
Use synonyms
 reached the bottom at 66 in 1990, and
then
Linking Words
 climbed to 75 in 1988. Regarding the
figure
Use synonyms
 for developed
countries
Use synonyms
, there is an increase from 95 in 1990 to 96 in 1996
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 primary
education
Use synonyms
. Turning to the statistics of secondary
education
Use synonyms
, starting with 98 in 1990 and
grew
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 to 99 in 1998.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 increased from 105 in 1990 to 112 in 1998.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, education, countries, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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