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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their health and fitness are suffering. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Most of the developed and developing nations are experiencing the problem of obesity among their citizens
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 impacts their
overall
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 well-being. There are multifaceted reasons
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as unhealthy eating habits and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical
workout
Check wording
activity
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to the
issue
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of additional parks and fostering
awareness
Use synonyms
 programs will
assist to
Verb problem
help
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 tackle the
issue
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.
This
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 essay will examine the
causes
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 and the solutions to the phenomenon in detail in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
sedentary
Correct article usage
the sedentary
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 lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms
 leads to the problem of overweight.
Firstly
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, consumption of processed and junk
Use synonyms
causes
Check wording
food causes
show examples
health
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 problems
such
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 as obesity.
For instance
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,
hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
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 schedule of working
people
Use synonyms
 reduces their ability to prepare
food
Use synonyms
 at home.
This
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 enhances their tendency to prefer frozen items that are easy to cook and
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
show examples
 their time.
Thus
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, overdependence on packed
food
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of
health
Use synonyms
issues
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such
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 as increased
weight
Use synonyms
, cardiovascular problems and high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 levels.
Additionally
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, limited physical
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercise
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the chances of gaining
weight
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
people
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 prefer to engage in indoor
games
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 and
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 that provide more convenience rather than
health
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 benefits.
For example
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, children and youngsters avoid visiting parks and playgrounds
for playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 and choose to play video
games
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 and computer
games
Use synonyms
.
This
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 trend limits their ability to engage in physical activities,
consequently
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 leading to
gaining
Verb problem
apply
show examples
excessive
weight
Use synonyms
.
Check wording
gain.
show examples
Furthermore
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, there are numerous ways to cope with the
issue
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 of increased
weight
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
. One of the
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to the
issue
Use synonyms
 is developing and implementing
health
Use synonyms
awareness
Use synonyms
 campaigns. The government and the
health
Use synonyms
 department can initiate programs that
highlights
Correct subject-verb agreement
highlight
show examples
 the
issues
Use synonyms
,
causes
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strategies to reduce
weight
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, a
follow up
Use the right word
follow-up
show examples
 survey on
Fitness
Correct article usage
the Fitness
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 campaign conducted in India, provided that 20 per cent of the obese population managed to control their
weight
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 after getting knowledge about the
food
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 that
causes
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, it is essential to create
awareness
Use synonyms
 in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about the
issue
Use synonyms
 and the strategies to cope.
To conclude
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, there are numerous reasons
such
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 as limited intake of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and reduced physical activities that
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
along with
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 levelled
weight
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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, to deal with the
Use synonyms
issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
show examples
 the authorities can encourage programs that
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
awareness
Use synonyms
 about the problem.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on improving your paragraph structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea clearly.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points further. This helps to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy in your writing, such as spelling errors and sentence structures.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay.
task achievement
You identified relevant causes of obesity, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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