IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

7.There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the current scenario,
people
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 are apparently involved in using an immense number of technologies
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 mobile phones, skytrains, the
Internet
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, and
the
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electrical equipment, which considerably improve
standard
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the standard
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 of
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people's
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living and make everything convenient.
Thus
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, no doubt, I do agree that better lives
of
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for
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people
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 are caused by the development of science.
To begin
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 with,
according to
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 the statistics, human life expectancy has remarkably increased in recent decades,
due to
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 the presence of medical instruments and pharmaceutical research.
This
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 improvement assists medical personnel and
normal
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ordinary
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 citizens to stay healthy and prevents the risks of infection.
For instance
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, in the past,
people
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 normally passed away when they were approximately 40-60 years old.
On the other hand
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, until the existence of antibiotics,
people
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have
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lived
longer
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to 75 years old.
Therefore
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, these advances have led humans to live without the fear of
the
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pathogens.
Secondly
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, the mobile phones and the
Internet
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 are now one of the necessary parts
in
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of
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 our body, even though they were not biologically produced. They let us access information sources and connect us with our worldwide friends.
For example
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,
people
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 can make higher profits from
the
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online selling, gain new information, make relationships with far-away friends, contact for work, and innumerable advantages that
people
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 can obtain from having the
Internet
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.
Also
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, mobile phones provide
the
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apply
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direct pathways to the
Internet
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 and introduce us to many useful applications.
Hence
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,
this
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 has significantly changed our lives to more productive ones. In conclusion, the developments of technologies clearly help us tackle the difficulties and raise the level of living.
Although
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 these benefit us in many ways, humans must employ them wisely
,
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apply
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 so that there will not be extra troubles for humanity to handle.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your argument. This will help your readers follow your points more easily.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples for some points. This could make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
In your introduction, you can briefly state the main reasons for your agreement to give a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You provided good examples of how technology has improved life expectancy and connectivity.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main idea well and reaffirms your agreement with the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • innovations
  • breakthroughs
  • automation
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • mobile technologies
  • diagnostic tools
  • renewable energy
  • efficiency
  • economic growth
  • knowledge sharing
  • global scale
  • cleaner alternatives
  • job displacement
  • update skills
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