IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that young people should spend their time with family, rather than go to entertainment activities outsides the house. Some disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The topic of weather , some crowded that lad
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 sparked considerable debate .
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that spend their time with family , others believe that go to entertainment activities
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
 the house .
This
Linking Words
 essay
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
will discuss both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 mu own opinion . On the first hand , those who support
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 their time with family
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
point out that
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
this
Linking Words
discuss
Replace the word
discussion
show examples
 because one main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that young
people
Use synonyms
be
Verb problem
should be
show examples
carrefully
Correct your spelling
careful
 if
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 stay with
him
Correct pronoun usage
their
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parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
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 it is
more safety
Correct word choice
safer
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 for
him self
Check wording
themselves
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , they argue that
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care and psychological care and extra attention from the family .
On the other hand
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 , advocates of fo to entertainment activities
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
 the house , believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 very dangerous to keep him outside because
that is
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 very deterioration
from
Change preposition
to
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 the family because they are
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if the family keep the young
people
Use synonyms
 outside
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 be a calamity .
In addition
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 , they suggest that
was
Correct pronoun usage
it was
show examples
 very scary to leave him outside . In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
Linking Words
 both sides have valid points , I personally believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should spend their time with family , because to live a
beautifal
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 life and to be
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to write clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling before finishing your essay. It can help with clarity.
task achievement
You've provided an opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, showing awareness of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strengthen bonds
  • emotional support
  • instill values
  • personal development
  • life skills
  • better communication
  • social skills
  • relieve stress
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • quality time
  • interaction
  • peer influence
  • diverse experiences
  • family dynamics
  • holistic development
What to do next:
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