IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people choose to do their shopping online instead of going to physical stores. Why is this so? What are the disadvantages of this trend?

Individuals are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in shopping online rather than going to
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 store nowadays. There are many reasons for it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there are several drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it. I will discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. One of the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 online is saving
time
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 helps many
people
Use synonyms
shopping
Wrong verb form
shop for
show examples
 their goods without worry.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who works all day. Foods are cooked fast when they order their
ingrediants
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 online. So it is more helpful than going to
store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, commuting
time
Use synonyms
 will be saved by shopping online. Going to the
shop
Use synonyms
 store and
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 back
requaire
Correct your spelling
requires
 2 or 3 hours.
It is clear that
Linking Words
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
shop
Use synonyms
 can really reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 of shopping. There is a
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
 that shows
people
Use synonyms
 who
shop
Use synonyms
 online will be gradually lazy and
solitude
Replace the word
solitary
show examples
 because of it. Having stayed for
along
Use the right word
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 at home, it causes many problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
shop
Use synonyms
 online, their
contacting
Replace the word
contact
show examples
 with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 will be limited. It leads to loneliness and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 them
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 heart
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 and mental illness. As everyone knows that physical activity
linked
Verb problem
is linked
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 mental well-being. Shopping online
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
increased significantly
Correct word order
significantly increased
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
TV
Correct article usage
the TV
show examples
 and have
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
communicatoin
Correct your spelling
communication
 with society.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are pros and cons that indicate shopping online is the best way to reduce the concern about losing
time
Use synonyms
.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, it would be harmful, especially
old
Change preposition
for old
show examples
 individuals
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical activities that
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 alone for several days.

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task achievement
Try to use clearer and more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammar mistakes. This will help make your writing easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, which is a good approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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