IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Advertising nowadays often targets children or products like fast food and toys. Many people believe this is bad for children and their families. Do you agree or disagree, give reasons with examples.

#targets #children #products #food #toys #people #families
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Is it true that excess of anything is injurious to health? As a matter of fact, the large-scale advertisements for processed
food
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 and playing
toys
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 adversely affect
children
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 and their
parents
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion. The upcoming paragraphs will contain the cause of
this
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 problem
along with
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 certain evidence.
To begin
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 with, surrogate ads are not known as a way to
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 teenagers adversely for no reason. Simply put promotional events for alcohol are banned but the company still branding it by launching water under the same brand name.
This
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 will not only have a psychological effect on youngsters' brains but
also
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 encourage them to use it.
Moreover
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, the high level of marketing of processed
food
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 wins their trust over the healthy choice. Rather than having a balanced diet, they are more inclined towards packed
food
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 because of the continuous publicity of
such
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 products.
Therefore
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, they suffer from obesity, skin issues, and hair fall problems.
For example
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, a single pack of frozen fries has 530 calories and 30g fat which is the favorite
food
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 for 12 to 25 years age group people.
Hence
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, the endorsement of unhealthy substances has severe effects on
children
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's health which is a major concern for most families.
In addition
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 to
this
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, demanding expensive
toys
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 is the predominant reason for the financial crisis in the family. To be more specific, the marketing of pricey
toys
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 fetches the interest of juniors. Because they are stubborn at
this
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 stage of life and insist their
parents
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to
Remove the particle
apply
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buy the particular toy. Sometimes, their stubbornness crosses every limit they give suicidal threats to their
parents
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.
Such
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 a situation gives mental stress to other family members and becomes the reason for financial loss.
For instance
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, no sooner did Japan ban the promotion of electronic
toys
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 on television, than the savings of Japanese families increased by 10%.
Hence
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, publicity of costly
children
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 playing stuff affects the parent's budget.
To conclude
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, without any doubt, it can be asserted that watching ads for fast
food
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 and
toys
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 on social media or television is not infomercial in any way for
children
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 because it leads to many health issues and squandering of money.
Parents
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 should
tech
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teach
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 their kids about the good and bad
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of every publication.
Submitted by knavdeep3011 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear argumentative structure, with each paragraph smoothly leading to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a more impactful introduction and conclusion that clearly states your position in relation to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Further develop your main points with a deeper analysis and a wider range of examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Address the task more completely by discussing both sides of the argument before presenting your own position.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by expanding on them and explaining how they directly answer the question; avoid unclear statements or tangential points.
task achievement
Use specific and concrete examples that are directly tied to your argument, thereby strengthening the persuasiveness of your essay.
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