IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
last
Linking Words
 century, we saw a lot of cases where domestic stores closed
due to
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 the challenge with global stores, the solutions i think, that we should impose strict laws on the big business by limiting their presence and influence on the local market, and
also
Linking Words
 demanding them fees to decrease their power, and granting small businesses owners the chance to expanding. Example that prove my points, shops in areas that have a determined traditional, will needs owners who understands their traditions and values, and we can see that thrive in Saudi Arabia where most of the restaurants and drinks shops have a specific place for families and individuals, and that shows the importance of domestic shops where
people
Use synonyms
 can go without any concern of the act
accordingly
Linking Words
 to a foreign policy. Another instance, that by
guaranteed
Wrong verb form
guaranteeing
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 right to become rich,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will be more comfortable with their lives knowing that if they didn't
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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rich
Punctuation problem
rich,
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then
Linking Words
 it
not
Verb problem
is not
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 their fault and
doesn't
Wrong verb form
they don't
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 blame the systems
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 addition is that it will give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 a variety of ways to become wealthy without delving into
ilegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 ways. In conclusion, we must give everyone the ability to achieve their goals and dreams and that can benefit our community by creating a loyalty to their countries and boost their path of studying or anything else with the knowladge of their preserved rights, and if we succeed on it,
then
Linking Words
 our society will develop double the rates it's improving and will solve the spread of crimes, based on knowing that stealing and kidnapping
people
Use synonyms
 isn't the only way to become rich.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas connect smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
You present interesting ideas about the importance of local businesses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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