In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In many cultures, people tell their
children
Use synonyms
that they are able to get what they want if they work hard enough for it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can encourage them to become great in the
future
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and boost their confidence.
However
Linking Words
, it can lead to irresponsibility when making important choices in life
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
lead to depression and stress
due to
Linking Words
overconfidence. The main advantages are that by encouraging
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
they can gain confidence that would help
children
Use synonyms
become independent and
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
logically when planning for their
future
Use synonyms
career
Punctuation problem
. studies
show examples
studies
Fix capitalization
Studies
show examples
have shown that 90% of successful
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
were encouraged by their parents. The main drawbacks are when
children
Use synonyms
make plans for the
future
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
overconfidence might affect
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
a negative way if not instructed 12 by the parents,
moreover
Linking Words
causing irresponsibility, when facing difficult
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
situation
Punctuation problem
situation,
show examples
is
therefore
Linking Words
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to depression and stress
Punctuation problem
. a
show examples
a
Fix capitalization
A
show examples
recent study showed that 65% of students face stress and anxiety
due to
Linking Words
irresponsible decisions. In conclusion, overconfidence and irresponsible
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
thinking
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
can affect negatively when making important choices
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
are the disadvantages of giving
children
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
message.
Whereas
Linking Words
the advantages are, encouraging
children
Use synonyms
and boosting their confidence can help make the right decision for their
future
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly explain your main points and give more examples to make your ideas strong.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas clearly, so the reader can follow your thoughts easily.
coherence
Make sure you check your grammar and spelling for better clarity.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to organize your essay.
task achievement
You present both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: