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Band 5.5

Some say that the standard of behavior among children has worsened and that this is their parents’ fault, others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, there has been a growing concern that children’s
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behavior
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behaviour
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 has deteriorated.
While
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 some argue that
parents
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 are responsible for
this
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 decline, others believe that
schools
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 share a significant portion of the blame.
This
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 essay will explore both sides before presenting my own view. On the one hand, many suppose that
parents
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 are primarily responsible for their offspring’s conduct. Notably, the home is the first environment where children learn values of respect, discipline and empathy
,
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;
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thereby
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thereby,
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 they typically adopt attitudes
as well as
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 personalities
modeled
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modelled
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 by their mother and father. If
parents
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 fail to
instill
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instil
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 these qualities early on, young people may grow up with little regard for others.
For example
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, in families where guardians are overly permissive or absent
due to
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 work commitments, kids may lack boundaries and develop poor
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behavior
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behaviour
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 habits.
Moreover
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, with the rise of digital devices, many
parents
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 allow unsupervised screen time, exposing children to violent or inappropriate content, which can negatively influence their actions.
On the other hand
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, it is often argued that educational institutions
also
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 play a crucial role in shaping a child’s
manner
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character
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. Ideally,
schools
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 should reinforce the moral foundation laid at home.
However
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, because of increasing class sizes and limited resources, teachers often struggle to manage student
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behavior
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behaviour
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 effectively. In some cases, the focus on academic achievement overshadows character education, leaving children without adequate guidance
in
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on
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 how to behave appropriately in social settings.
In addition
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, psychological issues at
schools
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 in many countries are still overlooked
due to
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 the lack of well-established counselling systems for students, even though
this
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 age group is particularly vulnerable to mental health problems. In conclusion,
while
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schools
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 certainly contribute to children’s
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behavior
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behaviour
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, it is ultimately the responsibility of
parents
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 to lay a strong
behavioral
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behavioural
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 foundation. Personally, I firmly believe that
through
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apply
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active collaboration between families and educational institutions can foster respectful and responsible future generations.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure all ideas are connected clearly to improve flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points further, which will engage the reader more.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and the two sides being discussed, which sets the stage well.
task achievement
The points about parents’ influence and school issues are well articulated and relevant, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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