IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

In today's world, computer technology has influenced the passage and acceptance of
information
Use synonyms
 both positively and negatively. Negative effects
such
Linking Words
 as easy spread of false
stories
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 and availability of immoral messages to youngsters
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become common
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, measures like laws to regulate
dispersion
Replace the word
the dissemination
show examples
 of false
news
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 and
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of apps to censor the
age
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 of youths should be set up.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the financial gain associated with being the originator of a viral post
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has made people more interested in being the first to spread online
information
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 without verifying the credibility. Thereby, leaving the vulnerable consumers to take in false
stories
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the widespread
news
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 on the death of Gadima, the president of Turkey in
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
 had about 100 million views in 3 hours.
Thus
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 showing the large
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 got the
mesage
Correct your spelling
message
 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time.
Linking Words
Further more
Use the right word
Furthermore
show examples
, the ability of children to view immoral
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 without
guidnace
Correct your spelling
guidance
 has become very rampant since the use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, because there is no means to check their
age
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, making the growing kids poor in morals and values. Studies have shown that the rate of immorality in the present times has risen
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 60% following the use of
information
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 technology. To address these issues, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should set up laws to regulate the release of false
stories
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Research conducted in 2020 by a Nigerian journalist shows that the law of 6 months imprisonment with hard labour given to violators of cyber policies reduced the widespread of wrong
news
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 by 50%, a drastic drop
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 what
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 known.
Also
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, apps should be built to checkmate the
age
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 of folks before they would have the ability to access certain
information
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 online. To summarise, I understand that the use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has come to stay, but the adverse effect on viral spread of false
news
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 and growth of immorality amongst the
youhs
Correct your spelling
youth
 has become common. I advocate for
establishment
Correct article usage
the establishment
show examples
 of policies by the legislators to curtail
sharing
Correct article usage
the sharing
show examples
 of false messages and
also
Linking Words
 build
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 to ascertain the
age
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 of youngsters before they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 access
stories
Use synonyms
 online.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly define the key problems and provide detailed solutions in each point.
Coherence
Use connecting words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'finally'.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples and details to support your ideas. This will make your argument stronger.
Coherence
Check for spelling and grammar errors, for example, 'guidnace' should be 'guidance'.
Task Achievement
Your essay raises important points about the abuse of the internet, which is very relevant.
Coherence
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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