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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates information about the
earnings
Use synonyms
 of three bakeries in Calgary from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 has been
clearly
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that
Amandine
Use synonyms
Bakery
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
had
show examples
 significantly increased annual
earnings
Use synonyms
 than other bakeries.
Mari
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Bakershop
Check wording
Bakershop's
show examples
 slightly
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 annual
earnings
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 the annual
earnings
Use synonyms
 of
Bolo
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Cakery
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to increase. In 2000,
Amandine
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Bakery
Check wording
Bakery's
show examples
earnings
Use synonyms
was being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remained which was
approxomatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 60k.
Mari
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Bakershop
Check wording
Bakershop's
show examples
earnings
Use synonyms
was rised
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 nearly 100k.
Bolo
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Cakery
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 was 30k from
earnings
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. In 2010,
Amandine
Use synonyms
Bakery
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
earnings
Use synonyms
 to more than 100k.
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakershop
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
declined
earnings
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 to 40k.
Bolo
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Cakery
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 has highly
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
earnings
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more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than 60k than what they earned in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakershop
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earned more in 2005 than other bakeries.
Amandine
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Bakery
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 their
earnings
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start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to increase
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006.
Bolo
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Cakery
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 has started to increase
earnings
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 from 2006 to 2010,
while
Linking Words
Mari
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Bakershop
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 decreased from 2006 to 2010
Check wording
apply
show examples
earnings
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words earnings, amandine, bakery, mari, bakershop, bolo, cakery, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
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