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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The world has changed, including how parents treat their children . Parents want their children to have high grades so they put too much pressure on them . This essay will examine what are the reasons and is it a positive thing to do or a negative thing to do .

The world has changed, including how
parents
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 treat their
children
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 .
Parents
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 want their
children
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 to be educationally successful , so they put too much
pressure
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 on them .
This
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 essay will examine what are the reasons for
this
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 and
if
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whether
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 it's a positive action or a negative one. There are multiple reasons why
parents
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 put too much
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to get high grades .
First,
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parents
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 want their
children
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 to always be perfect.
Also
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, they have a desire to see their offspring be the best.
Moreover
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, mothers and fathers love to see them be very successful in their lives.
Second,
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they really want their
kids
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 to have a brighter future.
Also
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, they want them to get into the finest colleges.
Third,
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parents
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 want their
kids
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 to be the best version of themselves.
As well as
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this
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 ,
parents
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 love to see their
children
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 have employment success.
Moreover
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, they desire that their
children
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 learn independence and self-reliance.
However
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, when
parents
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 put too much
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to get high grades, it’s a negative action .First,when
parents
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 put
pressure
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 on them, they will feel super tired.
Also
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, many
children
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 feel so sad when they study.
Moreover
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, a number of
kids
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 feel sick because they don’t eat enough.
Second,
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they spend most of their time studying very hard.
As well as
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this
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, they have time for friends.
Last
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 but not least, they might feel hatred towards school.
Moreover
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, they will put themselves in comparison with the other
kids
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. In conclusion, it is clear to see the reasons that prompt
this
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 behaviour from
parents
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.
However
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, I firmly believe that putting too much
pressure
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 on
children
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 is a negative and dangerous action.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main ideas with examples in each paragraph. This will help to support your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words such as 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'for example' to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion clearly restates your main opinion and summarizes your key arguments. This helps wrap up your essay neatly.
task achievement
You have identified important reasons for parents putting pressure on their children, which is a good start to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for your essay, making it clear what the essay will discuss.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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