Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

It has recently been argued whether the acts of young people spending excessive time in shopping

malls

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could bring detrimental effects to themselves and society. I believe

this

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notion is valid to an extent, and the reason why shall be discussed in

this

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essay.

Furthermore

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this

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behavior

Use the right word

behaviour

show examples

could

also

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have adverse effects on society. When young individuals

prioritize

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prioritise

show examples

shopping over educational or skill-enhancing activities, it may result in a generation that lacks productivity and discipline. If a significant number of youths focus more on leisure and consumption rather than contributing positively to their communities, the long-term impact on societal development could be negative.

In addition

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, shopping

malls

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may become overcrowded and noisy, which can lead to increased public disturbances or even security concerns.

On the other hand

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, it is important to acknowledge that shopping

malls

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are not solely places of consumerism. They often serve as social hubs where young people can interact, relax, and escape from academic or personal stress.

Malls

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also

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offer job opportunities, especially for students seeking part-time employment.

Therefore

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, occasional visits for recreational purposes should not be viewed entirely in a negative light. In conclusion,

while

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spending some leisure time in shopping

malls

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can be harmless and even beneficial in moderation, the excessive and frequent habit of doing so can have undesirable effects on both individuals and society.

Hence

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, I believe

this

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concern holds merit, especially when

such

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activities replace more meaningful or developmental pursuits.

caivankihh779

Jul 20, 2025

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task achievement

Try to add more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your ideas clearer.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to link your ideas more clearly between paragraphs. Using more connectors can help the reader follow your thought process.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which helps guide the reader.

task achievement

You provided a balanced view by including both positive and negative aspects of shopping malls, which shows critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

238 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

young people
shopping malls
free time
negative influences
society
consumerism
financial habits
overspend
debt
happiness
pressure
fit in
social interactions
entertainment
activities
friends
meaningful conversations

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is important for people Why might this be the case Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people believe that all students should be required to study a foreign language in school. Others feel that it is not necessary and that students should have the freedom to choose whether or not to study a foreign language. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

If the product is good and meets consumer needs than advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?