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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below give information about the population of South Korea in 2000 and 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below give information about the population of South Korea in 2000 and 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates data about demography in two countries:
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2000 and 2050. The information
given
Verb problem
is given
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
. In
Yemen
Use synonyms
,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is projected to decline. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the rate
depicted
Verb problem
was
show examples
 50.1%
by
Correct word choice
and by
show examples
 2050 37%.
However
Linking Words
,
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-59
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is set to have a growth. In
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 year
46.3
Punctuation problem
, 46.3
show examples
% and
Change preposition
in 2050
show examples
2050
Punctuation problem
2050,
show examples
 57.3%. In 2000, 60+
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 made 3.6% of population, it is forecast to increase in 2005, constitution 5.7%. In Italy,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had at 24%, which is projected to increase to 42.3%. There is an anticipation of a decrease in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-59 years
group
Use synonyms
, representing 45%.
However
Linking Words
, it was 61.6%.
Older
Correct article usage
The older
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
expecting
Wrong verb form
expected
show examples
 to decrease to 11.5% from 14.3%.
Overall
Linking Words
, people who are 15-59 years old
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered the highest quantity
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the period. In
Yemen
Use synonyms
, that
group
Use synonyms
expectancy
Wrong verb form
is expected
show examples
 to have a growth
while
Linking Words
 in Italy it
forecast
Verb problem
is forecast
show examples
 to decrease.
Yemen
Use synonyms
's younger population will decline slightly,
while
Linking Words
 Italy's elderly people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 set to increase.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "set" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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