IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign langulage can cause serious problems, as well as practical problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Taking care of
seniors
Use synonyms
 is a traditional individual’s responsibility in many countries.
However
Linking Words
, in Britain ,it is the government’s duty to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social and medical care assistance for them to ensure their mental and physical well-being. I completely agree that elderly citizens should receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial support
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 as they have been taxpayers during their productive years.
Also
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can assist them to get the needed healthcare
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 professionals. One key reason for
receving
Correct your spelling
receiving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government funding is that
seniors
Use synonyms
 have been
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when they were working
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means that they invested a portion of their salaries for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future public services and pensions.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada and the UK, employees pay about 40% of their annual salaries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government.
However
Linking Words
, they will be receiving the return in different paths
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 at the age of retirement,
such
Linking Words
 as providing them with a nurse if their health condition requires and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 social environments for them
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 community
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 that
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 physical activities and gathering clubs that
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
 them to
socialize
Use the right word
socialise
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
 should be funded by
governments
Use synonyms
 when they get old.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals in the communities may not be educated professionally in healthcare assistance. In many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 elderly people
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 a special type of meditation which can
provided
Verb problem
be provided
show examples
 only by specialists
such
Linking Words
 as nurses and doctors.
For instance
Linking Words
, a nurse
help
Replace the word
helping
show examples
in preparing a healthy meal for a diabetic
Use synonyms
seniors
Fix the agreement mistake
senior
show examples
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
 their age, weight, and health
issues
Punctuation problem
issues,
show examples
 is more effective than a regular homemade healthy dish
Linking Words
As
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
 a result, I think
governments
Use synonyms
 should ensure that
seniors
Use synonyms
 are receiving the needed healthcare
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 teams. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 individuals can be responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 paying for the
elderly
Check wording
elderly's
show examples
 health-care and social activities. I believe it is the government’s responsibility to fund
Use synonyms
seniors
Check wording
seniors'
show examples
 requirements
due to
Linking Words
 the fact of being
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 their need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 health care professionals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph clearly states the main point and provides support.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help show your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Check the grammar and spelling. Small errors can distract from your message and lower your score.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and express it well in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for your viewpoint, which is a strong point in your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication barriers
  • social isolation
  • language proficiency
  • career advancement
  • access to services
  • cultural misunderstandings
  • miscommunication
  • assimilation
  • essential services
  • frustration
  • isolation
  • employment challenges
  • healthcare
  • legal assistance
  • cultural norms
  • social friction
  • language barrier
  • restrict job opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: