IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that they should spend money to enjoy life at present. Others however, think they should save it for the future.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a debate
over
Change preposition
among
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people
Use synonyms
 whether they have to spend
money
Use synonyms
 to entertain in
once
Use the right word
one's
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 given life or allocate
money
Use synonyms
 for future needs
Punctuation problem
. .but
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.but
Correct your spelling
However
, I consider
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 should be
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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in
Change preposition
between
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 both views In
this
Linking Words
 era, there are
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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types
Change preposition
of types
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 of attractive places that
demands
Correct subject-verb agreement
demand
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 quite a lot of
money
Use synonyms
. New entertaining attractions, new brands of cars,
high-qualified
Use the right word
high-quality
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 clothes lead individuals to
surf
Verb problem
spend
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money
Use synonyms
 on. Everyone wants
live
Verb problem
to live
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 happily,
therefore
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
choice
Replace the word
choose
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 that way. Psychologists suggest that life for all
person
Check wording
people is
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 given only once ,
thus
Linking Words
 achieving everything we desire gives us
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
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 quantity of
feeling
Correct article usage
the feeling
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happiness
Change preposition
of happiness
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 called “dopamine”. It has
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 beneficial impact on our health. Getting whatever we intended
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 gives us energy, power and motivation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there should be
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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over
Change preposition
in
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 managing finance. If
people
Use synonyms
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on unnecessary stuff , the
main
Correct word choice
apply
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process of poverty begins. Thinking wisely
profitable
Verb problem
is profitable
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 for both our wallet and future. Some successful
people
Use synonyms
 highlighted that having
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
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 plan gives us
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to achieve everything we want
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some quantity of
money
Use synonyms
 would
leaf
Wrong verb form
be left
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on
Change preposition
in
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 our hands.
Disciplined
Correct article usage
A disciplined
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 person
often
Verb problem
is often
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be
Verb problem
apply
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patient and determined. Those ability provides
efficient
Correct article usage
an efficient
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 and meaningful lifestyle. In
this
Linking Words
 world, most
people
Use synonyms
 come up with unexpected situations. It is important to have
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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small
Correct article usage
a small
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 amount of
money
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
over
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 quite a long time,
prevents
Correct pronoun usage
which prevents
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 needing someone’s
money
Use synonyms
. That habit shows how
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 self-contaminated. In conclusion, there should be
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 whenever using
money
Use synonyms
.
Money
Use synonyms
 is vital in
this
Linking Words
 world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 having
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
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 funding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 creates more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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rather
Rephrase
apply
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than having nothing.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly tell your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas in your paragraphs clearly.
task achievement
Try to give specific examples or details for your ideas to make them stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that there should be a balance in spending and saving money.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • live in the moment
  • instant gratification
  • leisure activities
  • make memories
  • relieve stress
  • boost mental well-being
  • support local economy
  • wealth accumulation
  • financial stability
  • emergency funds
  • retirement savings
  • major life events
  • weigh the pros and cons
  • strike a balance
  • long-term perspective
  • financial preparedness
What to do next:
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