IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their career. Others feel it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s developing era, some individuals rely on
advice
Use synonyms
 from family and friends
while
Linking Words
 others prefer making their own decisions. In my opinion, I think it is better to employ their experience and choose a suitable
career
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the reasons why people should hold their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 and consider other references. On the one hand, many people believe that choosing a
career
Use synonyms
 independently allows individuals to follow their true passion and strength. Those who develop their strong personal views and
self- awareness
Use the right word
self-awareness
show examples
 tend to be more successful and confident in professional life.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend, Oleg, usually makes his own opinion but still considers others’
advice
Use synonyms
. His independent mindset helps him succeed in the information technology field. Nobody can know exactly which is the best for each person
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it is better to make
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 decision since choosing a future
career
Use synonyms
 carefully can affect the remainder of their life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if older people’s
advice
Use synonyms
 is often right, following them is necessary. To illustrate, my uncle, Mr Andrew, had no idea which profession was better. And he asked his father, who was a doctor, for recommendations to decide on so his dad encouraged him to follow a similar profession. After that, Andrew
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a professional doctor
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 everyone believes and respects. In some cases, listening to
advances
Use the right word
advice
show examples
 from family and friends is not always redundant. In conclusion, not only
independent thinking is
Correct word order
is independent thinking
show examples
 essential when choosing a
career
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 following family and friends brings valuable decisions. Personally, I believe that young people should balance between making their own decisions and seeking
advice
Use synonyms
 from others.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in a strong way, so the reader knows exactly what you believe.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the linking between your ideas. Use more clear transition words to connect your thoughts.
task achievement
Add a bit more detail or examples to support your points to make your arguments stronger.
content
You presented a balanced view of the topic by discussing both sides.
content
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • life experience
  • emotional support
  • practical guidance
  • personal growth
  • self-discovery
  • self-reliance
  • personal satisfaction
  • ownership
  • values and expectations
  • preferences and passions
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