As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many
people
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think that businesses should not only make money but
also
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care about social problems. I agree with
this
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idea because
companies
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are part of
society
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and
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, and
show examples
they can help solve many issues. First of all,
companies
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use resources from
society
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, so they should give something back.
For example
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, a factory may use land and water from the local area. If they only focus on profit and pollute the environment, it can hurt
people
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’s health.
Therefore
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, they should protect the environment and help the local community.
Second,
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when businesses do good things for
society
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, customers will like them more.
This
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can help them sell more products.
For example
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, some
companies
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give money to poor
people
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or help students go to school. Because of
this
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,
people
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trust them more and want to buy from them. So, being responsible is
also
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good for business. In conclusion, I believe that businesses should care about more than just money. They have a duty to help
society
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because they are part of it.
This
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is good for both the
people
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and the
companies
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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follow it with supporting details. This can help your argument more strong.
task achievement
Add examples that are more detailed. This can help make your point easier to understand and more convincing.
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Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a good start.
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You provided some good examples of how businesses can help society, which makes your argument more clear.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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