IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than treaveling. Do you agree or disagree with his statement?

Some people claim that the values instilled by working have a stronger use in adult life than the
experience
Use synonyms
 and practice of
traveling
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
, but I believe that they are equally important and compensate for each side.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 obtain a better understanding
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their future field of study through working. To be more specific,through an internship and full-time job,
students
Use synonyms
 witness the true nature of their future majors and are able to relate what they will learn to reality. Meanwhile, working
experience
Use synonyms
 can hone one’s skills in communicating with colleagues from different cultural backgrounds.
Also
Linking Words
, it can develop one’s skills in giving and receiving ideas, and working with others as a team. All those are essential skills for exchanging ideas with others working on group projects
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, travelling
experience
Use synonyms
 is indispensable. When
students
Use synonyms
 graduate from their school, travelling is a good chance for them to relax physically and mentally, which
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
 them for
totally
Correct article usage
a totally
show examples
 different academic environment in university.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, travelling to different foreign countries can really open
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 eyes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different cultures, all
Change preposition
of those
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be
internalized
Use the right word
internalised
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to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a knowledge for
students
Use synonyms
 and apply them into practical group projects or
presentation
Fix the agreement mistake
presentations
show examples
 in university.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, travelling
experience
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to see
application
Correct article usage
the application
show examples
 of their future study in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, which helps them to
realize
Use the right word
realise
show examples
 the true meaning of their academic pursuit and career
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 a stronger motivation in study. In conclusion, it is
unreasonable
Correct article usage
an unreasonable
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 claim that working
experience
Use synonyms
 is more decisive for adult life than travelling
experience
Use synonyms
. They are intertwined and jointly contribute to an individual’s growth. Only by integrating both can we truly achieve our potential and succeed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult life.

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task achievement
Try to make the introduction clearer by stating your main ideas more directly. It helps the reader understand your position quickly.
coherence and cohesion
In some paragraphs, the ideas could flow more smoothly. Use linking words to connect sentences better, like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'In addition.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples of jobs or types of travel that students might experience. This will make your points stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that working and traveling are both important, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs explain different ideas well and each one discusses a specific point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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