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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication such as letters, email, or telephone calls. How far you agree or di sagree with this statement?

The technological revolution has altered every single part of our lives, and communication is no exception.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that face-to-face interactions are the best way to communicate with others, in my view, virtual meetings are too important to be ignored. On the one hand, personal communication goes a long way in improving mental health.
In addition
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, there is a definite link between visiting in person and a better mood.
For example
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,
according to
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 research conducted by high-ranking universities all around the world, those who can interact with their friends and family members benefit from a better mood in their daily life, since they can relieve their stress and anxiety by talking to them. I myself, whenever I feel I am sad, just spending
time
Use synonyms
 beside my older sister makes me up
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 maximum
happy
Replace the word
happiest
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, online interaction allows people to save their
time
Use synonyms
 and energy on communicating. To clarify, nowadays, individuals have to work for long hours to meet their daily demands.
As a result
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, they do not have extra
time
Use synonyms
 to go out with their friends and family members.
Therefore
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, it provides the chance for people to stay connected without wasting their
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, it can be really helpful for those who are living far away from their relatives, since it enables individuals to connect with each other regardless of their locations. In conclusion,
although
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 communicating with real people is an inseparable part of our lives, it does not necessarily mean it can be enough in
this
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 modern era. I strongly believe online interaction has a lot of positive effects on the quality of life in
this
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 contemporary era, since the combination of both of them is a brilliant way to communicate.

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task response
State your main view clearly in the intro and keep the same view in the rest of the essay.
task response
Give strong, clear reasons for each point and use simple, specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas are connected and to guide the reader smoothly.
grammar
Fix grammar and phrasing errors, such as 'maximum happy' which is not correct
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one idea and keep sentences short.
structure
Good structure with a clear intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
Uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.
content
Some real life idea and a personal example included.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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