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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of students on an adult education centre taking various courses offered in 1985 and this year.

The charts below show the percentage of students on an adult education centre taking various courses offered in 1985 and this year.
The pie chart depicts the ratio of
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 courses
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the adult education centre in
this
Linking Words
resent
Use the right word
recent
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 and in 1985. It is clear from the graph
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 are
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expanded
courses
Punctuation problem
courses,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 there is one
course
Use synonyms
Verb problem
has fanished
show examples
fanished
Correct your spelling
vanished
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in the upper
year
Use synonyms
 of the chart art studio was 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and lost two per
cent
Use synonyms
 over
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, modern languages
such
Linking Words
 as French, German, and Spanish
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 almost a fifth, but dropped to 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, fitness and dance
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 got 22 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
1985
Punctuation problem
1985,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 now just
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the same amount.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some parts
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased.
For example
Linking Words
, cookery has a minority number and got
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
 five numbers
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
IT
Correct article usage
The IT
show examples
course
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 was not in 1985
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 right now has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big part
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 27 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the data.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that there is one
course
Use synonyms
 gone and another class come, Music appreciation had
oridy
Correct your spelling
only
 about one in ten with less
two
Change preposition
than two
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
, so
that is
Linking Words
 not
suprising
Correct your spelling
surprising
 to get out of the
lest
Use the right word
list
show examples
. IT is a new thing and got more than any other
course
Use synonyms
 in the chart.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, course, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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