Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. #217

Music
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has always been part of human life, from childhood to old age, and it plays a significant role in daily activities across a wide range of genres. Some
people
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argue that modern
music
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can have harmful effects on young
people
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.
However
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, others believe it offers positive influences. The following essay will examine these perspectives before giving a personal opinion. On one hand,
music
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has the ability to create an emotional connection. Teenagers are still in a phase of discovering their identity, which often makes them emotionally driven.
Music
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serves as a medium to express and release
their
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apply
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various emotions through listening or creating
music
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.
For instance
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, when adolescents feel disappointed about failing to achieve something, they might play melancholic songs to process their sadness, rather than expressing it through destructive behaviours like breaking things or harming themselves.
As a result
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, they feel more comforted by the melodies they hear.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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argue that modern
music
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can cause individuals to lose sight of their primary responsibilities.
Although
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certain genres help to focus and boost motivation during specific activities, some types of
music
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have a lingering effect on the mind, making listeners want to sing and replay the songs repeatedly. A good example is "Supernova", a song by a K-pop group in South Korea known for its addictive melody. During exam periods, the government even banned
this
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song from being played in order to help students maintain their focus.
Therefore
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, many others consider modern
music
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to have detrimental effects on young
people
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. In conclusion,
while
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some argue that modern
music
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can hinder young
people
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from progressing, others believe it allows them to express their emotions. I personally believe that the benefits of modern
music
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far outweigh the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points more clearly.
coherence
Add clearer transitions between ideas in the paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Try to give more detailed examples to support your main points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well.
coherence
The emotional connection with music was described effectively in your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifestyles and behaviours
  • glorify
  • distract
  • academic performance
  • self-expression
  • identity formation
  • source of inspiration
  • social and political messages
  • amplifying
  • accessible
  • influential
  • parental and educational guidance
  • critically analyze
  • responsible consumption
  • mitigate
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