New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that mothers play a vital role in their
children
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's lives.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that work for mothers has more advantages than disadvantages in family life, there is
also
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an argument that the disadvantages will have a crucial impact on their kids. In
this
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essay, I will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, in today's
globalized
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globalised
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world, females have become more independent than in previous years.
In other words
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,
Some
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some
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people believed that females should be more effective in the community.
Therfore
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Therefore
, working and
have
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having
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a career will help to improve women's self-satisfaction.
In addition
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, mothers working will assist their families to be financially stable.
For example
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, if families have a second income source, their
children
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's health and wellness will increase.
On the other hand
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, a new study in 2022 shows that a mom working is strongly related
with
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to
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their divorce. approximately 80% of divorce cases
was
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were
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a result of spending a lot of time at work and
forgeting
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forgetting
their
responsibilitis
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responsibilities
in their
children
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's care. It is possible to say that working should not be a reason for depriving
children
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of their rights, even if the family needs a source of money.
For instance
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, a lot of wife worked during the day, and at night they came back to their home and took care of their
children
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by trying to manage their time
according to
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their lives. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the advantages
by
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apply
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far outweigh
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear view of the topic, but you can make it stronger by stating your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your points. This will help your argument feel more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are well-structured. Each paragraph should have one main idea, clearly expressed.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for grammar and spelling errors (like 'believed' instead of 'believes' and 'forgeting' instead of 'forgetting'). Proofreading can help.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your opinion well.
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