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Band 8

The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 to 25 age group used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 to 25 age group used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
The two given pie charts illustrate the types of devices used by Canadians aged 18 to 25 to watch TV, in the years 2009 and 2019.
Overall
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, it can be seen that the use of conventional TVs declined sharply over the ten-year period,
while
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 mobile devices,
such
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 as mobile phones and tablets, saw a noticeable rise in popularity.
To begin
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 with, the percentage of laptop
users
Use synonyms
 dropped significantly from 20% to 12%.
Similarly
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, conventional TV
users
Use synonyms
 declined dramatically from 34% in 2009 to just 4% in 2019.
In addition
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, desktop computer
users
Use synonyms
 declined by 6%, reaching 12% over the given period.
Conversely
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, the use of tablets , which was not very common in 2009 with 5% of
users
Use synonyms
, increased about 4 times and reached 19% in 2019.
Moreover
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, mobile
users
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 rose noticeably by 11%, from 15% to 26% .
Lastly
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, flat-screen TV
users
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 nearly tripled, reaching 27% in the year of 2019.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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