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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below show the rebenue from 5 industries in Togo in 2000 and projections for 2050. SUmmarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below show the rebenue from 5 industries in Togo in 2000 and projections for 2050. SUmmarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the total profit generated from five industries in one of the West African
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
Togo
Punctuation problem
, Togo
show examples
during
Punctuation problem
, during
show examples
 the
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
period
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 and its outcome in 2050.
While
Linking Words
 the companies are registered
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
soft
Correct article usage
the soft
show examples
 beverages
industry
Use synonyms
, real estate development,
information
Use synonyms
 services, life insurance and
semiconductor
Correct article usage
the semiconductor
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the era of 2000, the soft beverages
indsutry
Correct your spelling
industry
 and
information
Use synonyms
 services
holds
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 the greatest contribution in
revenue
Punctuation problem
revenue,
show examples
formed
Wrong verb form
forming
show examples
 approximately 50 dollars in
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 it is expected that in
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
 only
semiconductor
Correct article usage
the semiconductor
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 will achieve the highest target $126
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
 as compared to others. From the one chart, it is clearly seen that, out of 5 companies,
Use synonyms
Information
Correct article usage
the Information
show examples
 and beverage sectors share
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal amount
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is USD 25
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
state
Use the right word
estate
show examples
 corporation gains
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
20
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
rest
Verb problem
the remaining
show examples
 two sectors are closely relevant to each other
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 $15 billion for semiconductors and $12 billion for life insurance
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the total revenue of all is 97
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
 in
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is desirable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 revenue in 2050 will reach
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 $196 in which
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 compared to 2000,
semiconductor
Correct article usage
the semiconductor
show examples
 will
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 the highest target
126
Change preposition
of 126
show examples
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is 5 times higher than
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
. But on
other
Use the right word
the
show examples
 other hand beverages
industry
Use synonyms
 will remain
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 position,
while
Linking Words
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
state
Use the right word
estate
show examples
 department will gain 5% profit
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 department will face
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major decline in future
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
little
Correct word choice
slight
show examples
 decrease in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 insurance company
respectively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words industry, information, billions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revenue
  • industry
  • compare
  • growth
  • decline
  • projection
  • share
  • distribution
  • contribution
  • evaluate
  • performance
  • significant
  • stability
  • period
  • noting
  • period
  • overview
  • describe
  • highlight
  • analysis
  • prediction
  • sharing
  • trend
  • stable
  • increasing
  • decreasing
  • features
  • information
  • reporting
  • main
  • year
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