IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind s

Fast
food
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 is cheap and tastes good, but it contains high levels of sugar and salt. In recent years, the number of
people
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 who have health problems
due to
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 eating fast
food
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 has increased. The governments believe imposing a higher
tax
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 on
this
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food
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 is necessary. I agree with
this
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 opinion because it can reduce the consumption of fast
food
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 and change
people
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's eating
habits
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.
To begin
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 with, a higher
tax
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 on fast
food
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 will cut down on consumption. The consumer, especially young
people
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 who have a limited budget, will consider whether to buy fast
food
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 or eat
food
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 prepared at home.
For example
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, after the UK increased the
tax
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 on junk
food
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, the consumption of that
food
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 was lower.
This
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 means fewer
people
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 buy fast
food
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 and more
people
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 prepare
food
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 at home.
In addition
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, a higher
tax
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 on fast
food
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 can change the way
people
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 consume unhealthy
food
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can develop a good lifestyle,
such
Linking Words
 as eating more vegetables and avoiding
food
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 that has unhealthy ingredients like sugar and salt. Particularly among students, they can have better eating
habits
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 early
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has a lasting impact.
As a result
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, healthy eating
habits
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 will be common, so that the new generation will find it easier to adopt healthy
habits
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. In conclusion, I believe that raising taxes on fast
food
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 can decrease the number of
people
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 with health problems and encourage a balanced diet.
This
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 policy will help to curb public health issues and lead to a healthier generation.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Make your main points clearer in the body paragraphs.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a strong start.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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