IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time for quality of life. What do you think about it? What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?

In today`s contemporary era, everyone
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
 is more important than
money
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
utmost
Use the right word
the most
show examples
 important in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
money
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 own importance too,
while
Linking Words
 other factors for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 are
fit
Correct article usage
a fit
show examples
 body and a happy family.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
money
Use synonyms
 is helpful in
life
Use synonyms
 to fulfil
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 basic needs of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people,
while
Linking Words
 the
person
Use synonyms
 has to spend
laisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for enjoyment.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, if a
person
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of
money
Use synonyms
, but if they work all day without
resting
Punctuation problem
resting,
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 they cannot enjoy valuable
time
Use synonyms
 with the family. A
person
Use synonyms
 should enjoy for
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, after working all day.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is
nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to fulfil basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as food and electricity.
For example
Linking Words
, there was a research done
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Western Sydney University
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 says an individual should spend
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning and spare
time
Use synonyms
to enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
, in order to live
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and happy
life
Use synonyms
. For
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
, a
person
Use synonyms
 should be fit and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy to spend valuable
time
Use synonyms
for enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, if a
person
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 good fitness than they can live longer compared to unhealthy people, so they can enjoy
high-
Correct article usage
a high-quality
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 retirement.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a human being
need
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 family and friends around them to share
quality
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, where they can share happiness.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an article in
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
 of India which mentioned, a
person
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 family and a good working body before
money
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 lifestyle. In conclusion, people need spare
time
Use synonyms
 and
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 some
money
Use synonyms
 to complete their basic needs
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, every
person
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 body fitness and
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
good
Punctuation problem
good,
show examples
 happy family to spend
time
Use synonyms
,
Change preposition
with, this
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can keep them happy.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and connect it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and spelling, for example: 'a person having' should be 'a person has'; 'laisure' should be 'leisure'; 'nesesary' should be 'necessary'.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and provides some good points about the importance of time and health.
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