IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

10.B.Some people think restoration of the old building takes huge amount of the government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to use this money for the development of new roads and buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are many
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that the national budget should be invested in introducing new roads and building more than
invested
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in old construction
resevation
Correct your spelling
preservation
. I agree to
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 essay
I
Punctuation problem
, I
show examples
will examine
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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my
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
by providing pros and cons. On one hand, repairing old assets, particularly in real estate, needs enormous money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is not worth the consequences. In
this
Linking Words
 present time, everyone is now living in
climate
Correct article usage
the climate
show examples
 change
phenominon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 and
this
Linking Words
 inevitably leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
Correct article usage
the environtment
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environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
However
Linking Words
, the buildings which was built in long time ago, their materials are not designed to be
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 kind of weather condition.
For example
Linking Words
, most of
Asian
Correct article usage
the Asian
show examples
 traditional
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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were built
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 timber or wood
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could be destroyed if it stays under water
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 period of time
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
flood
Correct article usage
a flood
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending
people
Use synonyms
's money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
restoralling
Correct your spelling
restoring
 wood
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
everytimes
Correct your spelling
every time
 after
flood
Correct article usage
a flood
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gone
Wrong verb form
has passed
show examples
, should be
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoided
show examples
 or
cutting
Verb problem
incur
show examples
Correct article usage
a lost
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lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the more accessibility and facilities
install
Wrong verb form
are installed
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
, the more
opppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 local
people
Use synonyms
 gain. As transportation
routs
Use the right word
routes
show examples
 are developed and
extend
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
 to several places where local
people
Use synonyms
 live,
people
Use synonyms
 could commute more
conveniant
Correct your spelling
conveniently
 and connect to other communities
easier
Correct word choice
more easily,
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 development creates
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as access to better medical
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
, new business partners.
In addition
Linking Words
, other new
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 which created with new
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 knowledge
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as resisting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
,
flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
show examples
,
temperature
Correct word choice
and temperature
show examples
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
, could protect
Use synonyms
people'benefits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 more.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could save money for
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
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 development
instead
Linking Words
 of
paying
Correct word order
endlessly paying
show examples
 for fixing something
endlessly
Correct word order
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 continue to reconstruct
fomer
Correct your spelling
former
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
endless
Correct article usage
an endless
show examples
 expenditure,
people
Use synonyms
 who live far away may lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
oppotunies
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. Meanwhile, if
allocatie
Correct your spelling
allocating
 financial support to create new construction,
people
Use synonyms
 will earn more
inclusively
Replace the word
inclusive
show examples
oppotinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why I agree.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main point. Try to include topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to better illustrate your points. This will help to strengthen your arguments.
grammar
Work on grammar to improve clarity. Check for common mistakes, for example, in subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, making your stance known from the start.
task achievement
You make some valid points about the benefits of new construction and the costs of restoring old buildings.
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