IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to apply stricter punishments. Others, however, argue that there are more effective ways to reduce crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It's argued that the key to preventing crimes is to give longer prison
sentences
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 ,
while
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 others think that there are different ways to alleviate the
crime
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proportion
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rate
show examples
. In my opinion ,
while
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 dangerous criminals should be kept behind bars , we should initiate awareness campaigns to address the root of the issue . On the one hand , supporters of longer prison
sentences
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 believe that strict punishment acts as a strong way to prevent crimes . If criminals know that they will face severe consequences , they will think twice before committing a
crime
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 .
Furthermore
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 , keeping offenders in prison for longer periods will make the city safe , and citizens will live in peace and relaxation .
For instance
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 , serious criminals ,
such
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 as repeat offenders , can no longer harm society if they are kept behind bars for an extended time .
Therefore
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 , longer
sentences
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 are seen by some as a way to protect the public and reduce the risk of offenders .
On the other hand
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 , many folks argue that longer
sentences
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 will not address the root causes of crimes; they believe that investment in education , job training ,and rehabilitation programs can be more effective and change criminal behaviour.
For instance
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 , if young people from disadvantaged backgrounds are given better education and job opportunities , they are less likely to turn to
crime
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 . To exemplify, countries like Norway have adopted
this
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 approach and have some of the lowest
crime
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 rates in the world . In conclusion ,
while
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 many believe strong punishment will solve
this
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 problem , I think a better way to spread awareness through educational programs would be a principal solution to deal with
this
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 trouble .

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task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas more fully and provide clearer explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your writing quality.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, especially about Norway, were good and relevant to support your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrence
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • tough on crime
  • overcrowded prisons
  • crime prevention
  • community development
  • root causes
  • social programs
  • justice system
  • reintegration
  • harsher sentences
  • preemptive measures
  • educational opportunities
  • mental health treatment
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