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Writing Samples
Band 7

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? #186

In recent years, social
media
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platforms
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 have gained immense popularity among all age groups.
While
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 these
platforms
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 offer various benefits
such
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 as connectivity and information sharing, they
also
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 raise concerns regarding
privacy
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 and security. In my opinion, despite potential risks, the advantages of social
media
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 outweigh the disadvantages when used responsibly. One of the key benefits of social
media
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 is its ability to connect people instantly, regardless of distance. Individuals can stay in touch with family and friends, join communities with shared interests, and even expand professional networks.
For instance
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,
platforms
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 like LinkedIn allow job seekers to reach employers and build careers,
while
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 Facebook helps people maintain relationships over long distances.
Additionally
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, social
media
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 is a powerful tool for spreading awareness and information rapidly, particularly during emergencies or global events.
Therefore
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, social
media
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 plays a crucial role in enhancing communication and building social capital.
On the other hand
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, the widespread use of social
media
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 has raised concerns about
privacy
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 and data security. Many users, especially young people, unknowingly share sensitive personal information that can be misused by cybercriminals or lead to identity theft.
Moreover
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, excessive social
media
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 use contributes to mental health issues
such
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 as anxiety, low self-esteem, and addiction. These risks become more significant when users are unaware of
privacy
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 settings or easily influenced by misleading content. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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platforms
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 pose certain risks related to
privacy
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 and mental well-being, their advantages in terms of communication, knowledge sharing, and community engagement are far more impactful. With proper digital literacy and cautious use, the benefits of social
media
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 clearly outweigh its drawbacks.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, you could use statistics or studies related to social media use or privacy issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay. This can help readers follow your thoughts more easily.
Task Achievement
Make sure to define terms like 'digital literacy' for clarity, as not all readers may understand this phrase.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
Content
You presented both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view, which is a strong point in your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Self-expression
  • Creativity
  • Global communication
  • Instantaneous communication
  • Personal growth
  • Career advancement
  • Privacy concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Cyberbullying
  • Addiction
  • Productivity
  • Misinformation
  • Crisis
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