IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It has been observed that
people
Use synonyms
 from villages are moving to cities in many countries in the world for their educational and professional growth.
Thus
Linking Words
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 is declining in the countryside. I presume that it has both advantages and disadvantages in about equal measures. Examining the brighter side of the foremost one is the greater number of
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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moving their locations from village to city for educational and work; the literacy rate of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 is increasing. Not only
Use synonyms
people are
Correct word order
are people
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 getting better healthcare treatment
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 but it is far easier to get medical attention during
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
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 period in cities compared to rural places.
For instance
Linking Words
, a village
name
Replace the word
named
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Ghiyavad
Punctuation problem
Ghiyavad,
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 located in Gujarat state of
India
Punctuation problem
India,
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 has only one hospital
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
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 residents
died
Wrong verb form
die
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 before they
reach
Verb problem
can reach
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 there.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as villagers are leaving farming to pursue higher education and better employment
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 there are fewer
people
Use synonyms
 left who can focus on the agricultural sector.
Moreover
Linking Words
. As
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 is
rising
Punctuation problem
rising,
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 there is more demand for public transport, food,
service
Correct word choice
and service
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 providers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, forests are being destroyed as more land
needed
Verb problem
is needed
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 to build housing and other buildings in city
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to provide required amenities.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
famous
Correct article usage
the famous
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 old traditions and culture of
village
Correct article usage
the village
show examples
 are
damaging
Wrong verb form
being damaged
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 because of relocation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, relocation of
people
Use synonyms
 to find a better lifestyle and financial benefits eventually
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the development and impression of a country at
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
 level.
However
Linking Words
, cities are becoming crowded, noisy and polluted. I strongly believe that it has both benefits and drawbacks.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear opinion in the introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', or 'furthermore' to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Try to explain your points more clearly so that readers understand your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and sentence structure to improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is good for balance.
task achievement
You included a personal example, which adds interest to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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