IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

In poor
countries
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countries,
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 many
people
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 die from different illnesses, since they can not afford the required medication.
While
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 lowering the cost of
medications
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 might be less beneficial for
drug
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companies
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, I strongly believe that the price for
medicines
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 and
health
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care
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 services must be reduced, to make it accessible and not too pricey for
every
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everyone
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people
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
medications
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 require a lot of time, effort, and funding to be created and released. It takes years, and even decades, in order to develop different
medicines
Use synonyms
 for different diseases.
In addition
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, it
also
Linking Words
 takes time and money to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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packaging for the medication and deliver it to different pharmacies all over the world. Generally,
drug
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companies
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 are businesses
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 which earn money through selling those
medicines
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.
Medications
Use synonyms
 are already sold at affordable
prices
Use synonyms
, to make them available for everyone
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 some of them are expensive,
due to
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 the long-term effect, quality, or other various reasons.
Therefore
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, it is not advantageous for
companies
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 to lower
prices
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 for drugs.
On the other hand
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,
health
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care
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 is a service that must be available for every
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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. Even though it is not a cheap procedure,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 must invest in
health
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care
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 and
drug
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companies
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, to make them accessible for everyone. Funding services, regarding
people
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's
health
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, must be
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
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 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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companies
Use synonyms
 should reduce
prices
Use synonyms
 for their
medications
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 lowering the
prices
Use synonyms
 of the
medications
Use synonyms
 is not beneficial for
drug
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
, I believe that they should be reduced, and the
companies
Use synonyms
 must be funded by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, to make
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 services available for everyone.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps to focus your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well and sets up the discussion nicely.
coherence and cohesion
You acknowledge the complexity of the issue, showing understanding of both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
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