IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that no one should work after the age of 65years,others say that they should continue the work as long as they want.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is commonly believed that
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 generation
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should stop
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other still believe them
also
Linking Words
 in the experience they have . In
may
Use the right word
my
show examples
 opinion
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 elderly
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
in
Use the right word
it
show examples
 currently
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail. On the one hand , it can be argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly people can continue working .
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
effective
Replace the word
effectiveness
show examples
 and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 huge experience
in addition
Linking Words
,

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support it with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Add a clear concluding paragraph summarizing your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points about elderly workers.
task achievement
Use simple and clear sentences to express your ideas.
task achievement
You have mentioned both sides of the argument, which is good for discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction states your opinion clearly, which is a good start.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: