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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that governments should make laws about people’s nutrition and food choice while others argue that it is their choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that
Education
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important rights of citizens. As a strong supporter of the
education
Use synonyms
 should be free to all individuals. I totally agree
due to
Linking Words
 the civilised world needs educated people .
Body · 1
First of all, Free
education
Use synonyms
 contributes to increasing the number of students.
Secondly
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, even if some individuals have the money to pay for
education
Use synonyms
, others do not.
Education
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important human rights.It
also
Linking Words
 enhances people's values. Quality of
Education
Use synonyms
:
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 If
education
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 is wholly funded by the government, there may be concerns about the quality of
education
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 provided. Limited resources can lead to overcrowded classrooms and insufficient educational materials.Equal Opportunity .
For example
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 ,
Education
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 should be free to ensure equal access for all individuals regardless of their socioeconomic background.
For instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 promotes social equity and allows everyone the opportunity to succeed based on merit rather than financial capability. Potential for Over-
Education
Use synonyms
 . All in all, providing free
education
Use synonyms
 might lead to an oversaturation of degree holders without corresponding job opportunities, which could devalue degrees and lead to high unemployment,
as well as
Linking Words
rates
Correct word choice
high rates
show examples
 among graduates.
Body · 2
socioeconomic background.
For instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 promotes social equity and allows everyone the opportunity to succeed based on merit rather than financial capability. Potential for Over-
Education
Use synonyms
 . All in all, providing free
education
Use synonyms
 might lead to an oversaturation of degree holders without corresponding job opportunities, which could devalue degrees and lead to high unemployment,
as well as
Linking Words
 , rates among graduates.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the Encouragement of specialised fields and free access to
further
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education
Use synonyms
 can motivate students to pursue careers in fields that are crucial to a nation’s needs,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, science, and technology, which might
otherwise
Linking Words
 not be chosen
due to
Linking Words
 high tuition costs

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects back to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your main points and ideas to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points, making them clearer and stronger.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments directly and explain your viewpoint more thoroughly.
task achievement
You show a clear opinion about the importance of free education, which is good for the reader.
task achievement
You provide some relevant reasons why education should be free, which is useful for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • governments
  • laws
  • nutrition
  • food choice
  • public health
  • diseases
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • problems
  • encourage
  • young people
  • learn
  • schools
  • healthy eating
  • future
  • personal choice
  • interference
  • education
  • teaching
  • options
  • better choices
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