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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The process chart illustrates the method of
honey
Use synonyms
 production by
bees
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 process
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 seven stages of
honey
Use synonyms
 production from the
hive
Use synonyms
 to packed
honey
Use synonyms
 in a jar, which is ready for human
conumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the hives
created
Verb problem
are created
show examples
 by
honey
Use synonyms
, and
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
bees
Use synonyms
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
hive
Correct article usage
the hive
show examples
. After that
Use synonyms
bees
Punctuation problem
, bees
show examples
 fly and sit on flowers of plants, nectar
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
 collected by
Use synonyms
honey
Correct article usage
the honey
show examples
 in
legs
Correct pronoun usage
their legs
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they travel back to
cells
Correct article usage
the cells
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
hive
Correct article usage
the hive
show examples
, and
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
necter
Correct your spelling
nectar
 in
Use synonyms
hive
Correct article usage
the hive
show examples
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the air can flow through
hives
Correct article usage
the hives
show examples
.
Linking Words
lastly
Fix capitalization
Lastly
show examples
,
bees
Use synonyms
 provide air through their wings to
hive
Use synonyms
 cells
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 mixture
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to create
honey
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, wet
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 will dry with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of the water evaporation process from cells, the jelly form of
honey
Use synonyms
now
Verb problem
is now
show examples
 collected by
farmars
Correct your spelling
farmers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 through cutting the
hive
Use synonyms
. Now it is ready for packaging and
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bees, hive with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Metamorphosis
  • Nectar
  • Foraging
  • Pollination
  • Worker bees
  • House bees
  • Honey stomach
  • Honeycomb cells
  • Beeswax
  • Evaporation
  • Hexagon-shaped
  • Simple sugars
  • Enzymes
  • Capping
  • Preserve
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