IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

There is no denying the fact that nowadays many elderly prefer to continue their work
instead
Linking Words
to retire
Change preposition
of retiring
show examples
.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
this
Linking Words
 trend will lead to many negative
affect
Use the right word
effects
show examples
. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
retiring
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 to older
people
Use synonyms
 have amny benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, work in general
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health and
considered
Verb problem
is considered
show examples
 a way to get rid of negative feelings.
In other words
Linking Words
, when they keep
working
Punctuation problem
working,
show examples
 they can enjoy their time ,especially for older
people
Use synonyms
since
Punctuation problem
, since
show examples
 most of them can not find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
stay
Verb problem
to stay
show examples
 with them, so it is a good way to spend their time.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 countries save their money.
For example
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, the American government spend around 60 million dollars
as
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
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 for citizens who retire.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend will
cause
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in the rate of
unemployee
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 for youths. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that it will be hard for the new generation to find a job
while
Linking Words
 there is
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
empty place for them because the old employees will form a large part of the job market.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many companies will prefer the old employees
instead
Linking Words
 of the new
.
Correct pronoun usage
ones.
show examples
For instance
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 spend more time in the
jop
Correct your spelling
job
, so
theyhave
Correct your spelling
they have
 more experience than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, which will make businesses choose them clearly. In conclusion, there are no easy answers for
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that working for older
people
Use synonyms
 is a good
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 and we have to encourage them.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • standard of living
  • ameliorated
  • mentoring
  • physical health
  • mental decline
  • workforce diversity
  • exacerbate
  • quality of life
  • employment opportunities
  • work-life imbalance
  • ageism
  • retirement planning
  • pension funds
  • job market dynamics
  • seniority
  • compulsory retirement age
  • productive capacity
  • intergenerational collaboration
  • mentality
  • employer attitudes
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