IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, children face a number of social issues. Some people say that the reason for this is parents who work and spend most of their time at work. Do you agree or disagree?

In today’s
fast paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
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 society, many young generations struggle with social issues. Some individuals think that, for that
problem
Add a comma
problem,
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parents
Use synonyms
 are
blame
Verb problem
to blame
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, as they devote their
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 to work, rather than to their
children
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.
While
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 others hope that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 social media and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 are
also
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 reasons for
this
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 trend. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views, and I acknowledge the second argument. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
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 be
reason
Correct article usage
a reason
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. One major concern is the reduction of
Use synonyms
face to
Use the right word
face-to-face
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face
Use synonyms
 interaction between youths and
parents
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. When
parents
Use synonyms
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
to complete
Wrong verb form
completing
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 tasks, online meetings or other things,
at
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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time
Use synonyms
 bond with their
children
Use synonyms
 will be rare. It leads to
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 young generations
want
Wrong verb form
wanting
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 to find people
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who admire them and who are ready to listen
them
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to them
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.
As a result
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, they may find
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 people, who force them to
do
Verb problem
commit
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crime
Correct article usage
a crime
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.
Moreover
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, health problems
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
Linking Words
reason
Correct article usage
a reason
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 for
this
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 tendency. During important meetings,
parents
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 give their
children
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 digital devices,
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 not disrupt them.
As a result
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, many
children
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 during their youth
ages
Check wording
apply
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can
face
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with
Change preposition
apply
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eye strain problems,
also
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 some of them might be depressed, which
leads
Wrong verb form
can lead
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 to mental disease.
For instance
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, spending much
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can damage their eyes and
also
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 bones.
On the other hand
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,
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 reasons
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also can
Correct word order
can also
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 be
result
Correct article usage
a result
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 of
this
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 problem. The absence of
parents
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 often means that
children
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 are left alone with digital devices. In
this
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 case, social media can replace
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a parents
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parents
Check wording
parent's
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 place.
Children
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 may
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 watch
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 content,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
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 their minds
for
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in
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 a negative way.
For instance
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,
children
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 want to try things from social media,
such
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 as theft shops or
smoke
Replace the word
smoking
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sigarates
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which that
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 damage both
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
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 and
health
Correct word choice
physical health
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issues
Check wording
apply
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.
Additionally
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, without parental
guide
Replace the word
guidance
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, they may fall into bad company or choose the wrong friends, leading to risky
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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such
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 as bullying, dishonesty, or skipping school. These influences can shape their character negatively at an early age.
To conclude
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, decreasing
Use synonyms
face to
Use the right word
face-to-face
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face
Use synonyms
 interactions and health issues can be
parents
Use synonyms
’ mistakes for
this
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 trend.
However
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, I still believe that watching videos
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 social platforms and making
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 friends can
be
Correct word order
also be
show examples
also
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 reasons for
this
Linking Words
 tendency.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your opinion directly. You can say 'I agree that parents play a role in this issue.'
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and have a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Add more clear examples to support your points. Specific examples strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
content
You have recognized important issues related to children and parents. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
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