IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of places in the world rely on the tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well manage. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? Do you think that the benefit of tourism outweight its drawback?

Many people believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 will play a major role in dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues and global warming . Others ,
however
Linking Words
 , think that depending too much on
technology
Use synonyms
 could actually make things worse . In my opinion , I believe a combination
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 changing individual behaviour and utilising advanced technologies to reduce carbon emissions and address the environmental problems . On the one hand ,
technology
Use synonyms
 has already offered many useful solutions to environmental issues . Renewable energy sources like solar and wind power have helped reduce the world's reliance on fossil fuels .
In addition
Linking Words
 , electric vehicles produce less pollution and are becoming more common and different countries .
Technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 allows scientists to collect data about climate change , helping governments to make more informed decisions . These examples show that with the right investment ,
technology
Use synonyms
 can alleviate environmental damage and support long-term sustainability .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are concerns that
technology
Use synonyms
 is not always a reliable solution . Many technologies , especially in the past , have caused pollution and waste . Factories , cars , and aeroplanes all use
technology
Use synonyms
 but contribute to climate change .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , governments should implement strict regulations on companies
generating
Wrong verb form
that generate
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 a huge amount of pollution .
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
show examples
, to address the issue , governments should encourage folks to start recycling , launch comprehensive public awareness campaigns to educate citizens about the benefits of recycling , and other sustainable activities .

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer on your main idea. Try to summarize your opinion more directly.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically. You may want to use linking words more often to connect your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the advantages and disadvantages sections.
coherence
Make sure to conclude your essay clearly, restating your main idea and summarizing your key points.
task achievement
You have given good examples of how technology helps the environment, like renewable energy.
coherence
Your body paragraphs present a clear perspective on the topic, showing both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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