IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that elders should be cared at home with family members. Others think that they should be kept at nursing homes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today`s contemporary era, everyone
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that aged
people
Use synonyms
 should be cared
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 family
members
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that they should be kept
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
oldage
Correct your spelling
old-age
homes
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the family and a son
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
 take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their later
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the family
members
Use synonyms
 must have to take
care
Use synonyms
 of
old
Correct word choice
the elderly
show examples
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, a mother and a father taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 in their early stage of life, so it is a responsibility of their son or daughter to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their old
parents
Use synonyms
, because they do not have anyone to help them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 have major health issues because of their age, so they have to take
madication
Correct your spelling
medication
 on time, which needs
asistance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 family member.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India which says old
people
Use synonyms
 need
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from family, to
servive
Correct your spelling
serve
 regularly and for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that old
people
Use synonyms
 need
asistance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 from nursing staff or old age
homes
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, some families are so busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work life and
busineses
Correct your spelling
businesses
, as they send their
parents
Use synonyms
 to nursing
homes
Use synonyms
. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 is a wrong decision.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in some cases it is good to give nursing advice
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they are
suffuring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from serious health problems. Elder
people
Use synonyms
 need
care
Use synonyms
 from family
members
Use synonyms
, as they cannot feel happy in medical houses, so family should keep them at
home
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 can arrange medication at
home
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done at Western Sydney University which mentioned
busy
Correct word choice
that busy
show examples
 working
people
Use synonyms
 do not have time to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their old family
members
Use synonyms
, so they prefer to send them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a nursing
Use synonyms
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
, but they often feel unhappy. In conclusion, many
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 think that old
parents
Use synonyms
 should be kept
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
oldage
Correct your spelling
old-age
homes
Use synonyms
, they can never enjoy there,
while
Linking Words
 in my view, they should
bekept
Correct your spelling
be kept
 at
home
Use synonyms
, expect any serious health problems.

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task achievement
Try to clearly explain your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and use linking words to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use simpler sentences and check grammar to make your points clearer.
task achievement
Good effort in addressing both views on elder care.
task achievement
Examples used to support your ideas show an attempt to explain your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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