IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that concerns about unhealthy food and drink consumption have increased significantly. Some people argue that shops should not be allowed to sell
products
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 that are scientifically proven to be harmful to health.
Although
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 some may agree with
this
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 view, I am opposed to it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that individuals should have the freedom to make their own dietary choices. To illustrate, people have different preferences, lifestyles, and nutritional needs, and it is important to allow them to decide what they consume.
For instance
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, banning certain foods entirely may be considered an excessive restriction on personal freedom.
In addition
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, some
products
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 may be harmful only when consumed in large quantities, meaning moderate consumption may not pose significant risks. Another point that should not be overlooked is that
although
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 a complete ban may not be appropriate, stronger regulation is necessary to protect public health. To clarify, governments can introduce measures
such
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 as clear labelling, taxation on unhealthy
products
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, and restrictions on advertising, particularly for children.
For example
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, warning labels and nutritional information can help consumers make informed decisions.
Furthermore
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, limiting the promotion of unhealthy foods can reduce excessive consumption without removing personal choice. To recapitulate, it is evident that banning unhealthy food may restrict individual freedom,
while
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 the main concern is the need to protect public health.
Therefore
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, I believe that
instead
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 of prohibiting
such
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products
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 entirely, governments should focus on regulation and education to encourage healthier choices.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, but your ideas could go a little deeper. You say why you disagree, but you can explain your reasons more fully.
task response
Task response: Your examples are relevant, but they are quite general. Try to add one more specific example to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear purpose. Still, some linking words sound a little formal and repeated. Try to vary them in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your second body paragraph is good, but the link between freedom and public health could be smoother. Add one sentence to connect these two ideas more clearly.
task response
Task response: You answer the question directly and your opinion is clear from the start.
task response
Task response: You cover both sides enough, but you keep your own view clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most ideas are in a logical order, so the reader can follow your thinking easily.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shops
  • food
  • drinks
  • scientifically
  • proven
  • bad
  • health
  • agree
  • disagree
  • responsible
  • community
  • right
  • choose
  • eat
  • drink
  • education
  • information
  • healthy
  • banning
  • black market
  • illegal
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