IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you feel it is better for young people leaving school to study further at university or go straight into the workplace? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

There is an argument
whether
Change preposition
over whether
show examples
 it is a smart idea to let high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates enter the
university
Use synonyms
 or let them start working. There are
butches
Check wording
plenty
show examples
 of successful examples in either way,
But i
Use the right word
but I
show examples
 still support the perspective that those teenagers should apply
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
university
Use synonyms
. Some parents ask their kids to go to work after they graduate from high
school
Use synonyms
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial issues. They prefer their children
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to earn
Correct article usage
an incomes
show examples
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 to pay the bills, and the expenses for universities might be too much for the family, especially if they have younger siblings in the house.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 China, some young people
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
 entry
level
Use the right word
entry-level
show examples
 salary and
repeating
Wrong verb form
repeat
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in a factory every day because
lacking
Wrong verb form
of a lack
show examples
 of skills and
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
. It is predictable that they can not pursue their dreams any more.
This
Linking Words
 is not
favorable
Use the right word
favourable
show examples
 for the kids and
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, some other poor parents support their children to apply
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher post-graduate education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
. Those kids learn more
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 and practice their specific skills
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
university
Use synonyms
 campus. They could find a better job afterwards with
this
Linking Words
 training experience.
Also
Linking Words
, the family or even the community could
be beneficial
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is encouraged to
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
 their education after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
Use synonyms
 in Canada. The young pupil could choose the career path which they interested
, and
Correct pronoun usage
them, and
show examples
enrolled
Use the right word
enrol in
show examples
 a college programme or
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
countinuesly
Correct your spelling
continuous
educaiton
Correct your spelling
education
 programme. It leads to a bright future for the person's employment. In conclusion
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 college or
university
Use synonyms
 education is necessary for those high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates. Those extra years of
educaiton
Correct your spelling
education
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 them new
knowledegs
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills they need for a better job.

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task achievement
Try to use clearer examples and explain them better. For instance, when discussing education in Canada, include specific job opportunities that higher education provides.
coherence
Make sure all your paragraphs are connected clearly. Use linking words to show relationships between ideas (for example, 'however', 'also').
coherence
Check your grammar and spelling. There are several errors that make it harder to read. Take time to proofread your work.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction, which is a good start.
task achievement
You provide valid reasons for your viewpoint on education vs. work, which shows critical thinking.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Higher education
  • Specialized knowledge
  • Employment opportunities
  • Personal development
  • Critical thinking
  • Communication skills
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Networking
  • Career advancement
  • Practical experience
  • Professional skills
  • On-the-job training
  • Industries and professions
  • Earn income
  • Formal education
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